Moved

What? You are still here? Well, in that case, you may want to start watching http://l33tw4r3.com/home/. This is going to be the new home for my blog, and Joh is going to start posting there too. Least, that's what she says.

The Story of Tory and Joh

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Tory. And her mom's name was Joh. And her baby brother’s name was Stuart.

Stuart was taking a nap, and Tory had just read "Jack and the Beanstalk." Before that, she had read, "Hansel and Gretel."

Stuart liked to eat carrots. Tory liked to eat treats, such as chocolate ice cream, chocolate bars, and Halloween candy.

Tory liked to play with her mom. It was her favorite thing to do with her mom. She liked to play Doctor's Office, and card games like Old Maid, War, Crazy Eights, and Go Fish. She also liked to play with her toys, like her train set.

The Battle of Skidmore Fountain

On June 22nd of 2007, 200 individuals armed with crude weapons duked it out at Skidmore Fountain in downtown Portland. You can see the gruesome results yourself.

No Puff For You

Scene: Family eating sushi. Tory is eating a cream puff with chocolate on it. No, I don't understand what a cream puff has to do with sushi or japan, but when it goes by on the conveyor belt, the girl is going to want to eat it. Especially if the thing is bigger than both her fists put together.

Joh: I am too full. I want one of those (indicates cream puff) but I am too full.

Me: We could take one home.

Joh: No, not interested. I just want one now.

Me: You could ask Tory for a little bite.

Joh: I am too full even for that.

Tory: (Chocolate coats her face and hands) I wouldn't have given you a bite anyway.

DayQuil Bloggin'

Tory: I'm not going to wear this hat.

Joh: Tory, you need to pick your final outfit so we can leave.

Me (gameshow voice): Is that your final outfit?

General laughter.

Me: "Who wants to be on time?"

I fall down laughing.

DayQuil rocks.

Mixin' It Up At The Pool

Today, Tory and I went to the pool. We hadn't been in a while, and we had a great time, but that is not what I am writing about. At the pool the Street Team from Jammin' 95.5 was spinnin' wax. Now, normally, I am not a big fan of Hip Hop, but DJ Jerm taught me something. Even Hip Hop can be made worse by a DJ who is full of himself and tries too hard. He seemed like he knew the basics of mixing (as there were no train wrecks) but he kept scratching and slamming the fader like he was doing someone a favor. Yee gads and little fishes! Someone stop him before it's too late!

Now, as I was thinking this, I also thought "Maybe I don't get it. Maybe mixing hip-hop is just that much different than mixing house." So I asked a young man who seemed to be enjoying himself and fit the radio stations demographic. "He does too much." I rest my case.

So, the sentence I hand down to DJ Jerm is this: Until such a time as it is proved that you have learned moderation and modesty you shall be forbidden from having slip-mats. Additionally, you shall be banned from any mixing board that does not have at least a 1/2 second delay on the cross fader.

WWDC 2007: Too Much Un

I would like to start off by saying that Apple has accomplished a lot this year. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of wiz-bang. Most of this years wiz-bang was introduced last year, and it being tempered this year with the implementation reality.

To begin with, the Keynote. My first impression is that it was not targeted at developers. Yeah, he talked about a lot of cool stuff. Not one thing was fresh. Nothing that did not have a session last year. Oh wait. Safari for Windows. Not many Mac developers care. None of them liked the none too subtle replacement of Firefox with Safari. If you want to replace something in your overly ambitious slide, replace IE.

They also talked about "writing applications for the iPhone". Ooooohhhhhh. I can use Web 2.0 and AJAX to write "applications" for my iPhone. I was afraid that my iPhone might not be able to surf the web. Oh wait! I know! M$ should stop writing Office for the Mac and just write an Office "application" in Web 2.0 and AJAX. That will be so much better than a native application. Hey Steve! Pull the other one. It has bells on it.

Now, the biggest thing I was looking forward to in Leopard was ZFS. Not many people were jazzed about that, but I was. I am not supposed to talk about what they said, but lets just say that the support is not anywhere near what I had hoped.

I have picked up some new stuff, and I am really looking forward to using Xcode 3.0. Leopard is way cool, and I am planning on upgrading my entire home. But this WWDC is uninspiring and unimpressive.

The Long Hiatus

Some things that have happened in my long hiatus:

• Stuart now has 8 teeth.
• Stuart now walks.
• Tory went for her first ride on a tag-along bike.
• We decided we are getting chickens.
• I ordered a MacBook Pro.
• I canceled my MacBook Pro order.

So. How are things with you?

A Close Shave

He was a filipino man, young, good looking, wearing a black tight fitting cap. As he he came at me with the straight razor, I thought, "Maybe I should not have come here."

It's remarkable, really how quickly you can go from a nice neighborhood, such as that around the Moscone, to a sketchy neighborhood. It only takes one block in the right (or wrong) direction. I walked that block in search of a haircut. When I got to the barbers, I noted that is was old. All of the tools, the chairs, the tables, they were all old. Not they waiting chairs, tho. They were relatively new folding chairs. Now, before you come to the wrong conclusion, everything was clean and well kept. When I sat in the chair, I noted that all of the reading material consisted of Penthouse and Hustler magazines. The barber was a young filipino man and very clean cut. He spoke broken english, and had a speech impediment, so getting across the haircut I wanted was not straightforward or easy.

As he cut my hair, there were a number of times when I was concerned that he did not know what I wanted. My concerns were unfounded and came from the fact that I have never had a barber who was so meticulous or precise. He cut hair on the sides and back first, going over it at least 4 times with a clipper and once with a straight razor. He looked at each part of my head from every possible angle, using the mirrors on all sides to make sure that the opposed sides looked good from up close and from farther away. All totaled he spent 30 to 45 minutes cutting my hair.

Toward the end of the cut, he asked me a question.

"Your gur brend lik tis, uh?"

I smiled and chuckled.

"Ho many gur brend you got?"

I made the jump in logic that he was asking about "girlfirends".

"I've got one wife."

"Uh. No gur brend?"

"Nope. Just the wife and two kids."

"Uh."

I will be going back there again next year.

Stuart: Tooth 3

Day 1: Stuart discovers that having opposed teeth means that he can grind them.

Day 2: Stuart discovers that falling on said teeth can produce a lot of blood.

FBI abused power to get private records: report

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The FBI abused its power by illegally or improperly obtaining telephone, financial and other secret records in investigations of terrorism or espionage suspects, the U.S. Justice Department's inspector general said on Friday.

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Why Be a Pirate?

I could not agree more

Choking is not Swallowing

The names of parents have been omitted to protect the guilty

OK, Stuart. What have you got now?

What is it?

Just a outlet-protector. I guess you can't choke on that.

(Later... sounds of Stuart choking)

OK, I guess you can't swallow it, but you can still get the whole thing in your mouth and choke on it.

There was a little girl...

Chapter 1: "There was a little girl"

There was a little girl, and she lived with her mom. And she had a play structure.

Chapter 2: "Wood Creepy Girl"

There was a little girl, and she lived. she was big enough to live by herself. She lived in a hut in the middle of the woods, but the woods were creepy and so she never dared go near the woods.

This story is for Daddy.

As told to Mommy by Tory on January 5th, 2007.

There's No Need to Fear!

Underdog. This is one of the purest, most unsullied image from my childhood. His rhymes, his shoeshines, and Sweet Polly Purebred. There is one episode on YouTube for those of you who were not so blessed. Well, Disney has decided to sully the memory. No rhymes, no polly, a dog who is barely anthropomorphic. Ah well.

The Underdog Trailer

Mick is on Drugs

This is an assumption I have made given these posts:

• Kids, Inc - Part I
• Kids, Inc - Part II
• Kids, Inc - Part III

Seek help, Mick.

Thane on Lent

Today is the beginning of Lent. This year, I have chosen to give up computer games. I don't usually give things up, but I do on occasion. Now, why on gods green earth would I?

The idea, for me at least, is that of mindfulness. Any time I would play a game, I will (hopefully) think about all of the blessings in my life. I mean, it boggles the mind that I could give up something so trivial and have it feel that I am actually a sacrificing.

I have a Network Closet

More like a network cupboard, really. See, Joh uses the Powerbook upstairs, and it has some troubles with reception. Despite everything I tried, it could not keep a connection. The only thing that worked was to move the base station to the first floor and turn on the wireless card in my desktop. So, to make the hash of hardware that puts the tube in our house acceptable in the living room, I had to conceal it. So I drilled a hole in the back of the cupboards and moved all of the hardware into there. Made reception much better for all parties, except me. To keep me happy, I set the router to reboot every 60 seconds if it cannot find my machine. If pappa ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Good for What Ails You

I have a cough.

This is no mamby-pamby cough either. I am hacking up smurfs (as Monroe would say) the size of my right fore-arm (as Karl would say). I don't think I have pneumonia, but then I didn't think I had it the last time either. I just thought I broke a rib.

Regardless, when I have a bad cough, there is a home remedy that I turn to. It has arguable medicinal value, but it inarguably makes you feel better.

The 1/2 cup Whiskey Sour.

Take 1/2 cup of lemon juice, add 1/2 cup honey. Microwave on high for 1 minute. Mix until well blended. Nuking it just makes it easier to mix, so do more or less to your liking. Add 3 ice cubes to cool it to a reasonable temperature, and then add 1/2 cup of whiskey. Cheap is fine. I use Potters. Sip it over the course of the evening, and then slam what's left just before bed. Probably should take an acid blocker, if you are prone to heartburn.

Be Mine

Amongst the many wonderful Valentines that were exchanges in and around our family today, the most memorable is probably the one that Henry, the neighbor boy, gave Tory. It is an 8.5x11 sheet of pink paper, with large hearts and paper doilies on it. On it, Henry wrote "I love you". However, he wrote it "I llF U". This would be cute, but unmemorable, except that the ll and the F were separated by nearly the entire sheet of paper, and placed next to the other letters. I immediately saw "I'll F U". Wendy's comment was "Our family tends to start a little early."

Gay Marriage Group's Measure: Kids Or Annulment

I think this is awesome. If any of you think that this is a joke, then shame on you. This is a group of people telling the Christian right "Put your money where your mouth is." Under this law, people who wait more than 3 yeas to have children, like Johanna and I, would have their marriages annulled. For those who don't know the background, this is a direct response to this ruling (PDF) written by Justice Barbara Madsen about the states Defense of Marriage Act stating (page 6):

Under this standard, DOMA is constitutional because the legislature was entitled to believe that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples furthers procreation, essential to survival of the human race, and furthers the well-being of children by encouraging families where children are reared in homes headed by the children’s biological parents. Allowing same-sex couples to marry does not, in the legislature’s view, further these purposes. Accordingly, there is no violation of the privileges and immunities clause.

Personally, I would have the law define a marriage as the birth of a child, causing the two people who made the child to be married. That is even more absurd, and even more in keeping with the Court's ruling. I hope this passes.

The Things Tory Says

It is so strange hearing things we say reflected back at us through Tory. The strange ones we trained her on we are used to. "Where are we going?" "Planet ten!" "When are we leaving?" "Real soon!" It's the other stuff. Things like "Well that's just crazy talk." Recently she started a new one, and I am not sure where it came from. So, we are eating dinner, having a new dish. Tory's response to said dish is "Well of course 'Ick', Daddy!" I am apparently supposed to predict how Tory will respond to new dishes. I guess that is not terribly surprising, but Joh and I have gotten some laughs out of it. "Well of course she's too tired, Mama."

I guess you had to be there.

Splishing and Splashing

So, Stuart was not too keen on having baths. I didn't much like him getting them, because they washed away all of the wonderful baby smell. Unfortunately, all of that baby smell seems to have worn off. Now he smells vaguely like his mother. Anyway, up until this weekend, he was none too keen on having a bath. This weekend, however, he discovered splashing. Not just a little bit, mind you. We are talking four limbs flailing. He sends water everywhere. So, it seems like we will not have to worry about him getting pissed off in the tub anymore.

Getting out of the tub is another story entirely.

I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper

Well, I didn't, but if you set your wayback machine to 1978 you can hear how Sarah Brightman did. I just don't know what to do with this. Disco + Dr. Who is the best I can come up with. Probably with a fair amount of cocaine. Thanks Monroe.

If that was not enough, jump ahead to 1979 and you get the pseudo live version. Not any better, but the stage show is funnier.

3 Barreled Flintlock Revolver

No gun made Today could hope to be this cool.

Top Gear - Season 9 Episode 3 - Part 6 / 7

3 Brits get the chance to paint a co-stars car with whatever they want in an effort to get the fellow co-star killed as they drive across Alabama. Hilarity ensues.

Update: Changed the video. Really starts to pick up after 2:00. The shit hits the fan around 5:00.

Update 2: Video tends to get out of sync. Just pause, move the thumb and start again.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the ER we go

So, yesterday, Tory fell down the stairs.

This was no small fall, either. No tumbling down the stairs. She slipped coming up from the basement and fell off of one flight and onto the next. When Joh got there, Tory was crying and complaining that her hand hurt. Well, Joh piled everyone into the car and headed for the ER. 3 hours later, they were able to tell her that Tory had no broken bones, and that we should ice it and give her Ibuprofin. Since she was not told how long it would be till anyone could see her, she had to wait in the (cold hard) waiting room. Couldn't wander around, maybe to some place that Stuart could crawl around. Nor to the pharmacy, 100 ft away, where she had a perscription waiting. Time was so tight between the Dr finally discharging them and our meeting at the pre-school, that everyone ate PB&Js in the car. Joy!

At least Tory is alright. Oh wait, didn't I mension that everyone but me is sick! FUN! Sleep well. I know I won't.

The Carbon Credit Card

This whole "carbon credit" broo-ha-ha is starting to irritate me. The gist of the system that They seem to be proposing is that people who used to pollute a lot get credit for the pollution that they are not producing, and can sell that credit to other people so that they can pollute. I am going to have to file that right next to paying people not to grow corn. I mean, WTF?!? You were an asshole, but you get credit for being less of an asshole?

Here is my suggestion. Sam figures out how much C02 should be released in a given year. He then gives the credits to US! The credits can then be sold on the carbon market, and we get to keep the cash. So who is going to buy the carbon? Sure the power companies will have to buy a BUNCH of them, and they pass the costs on to their consumers, who are either us or people who sell us stuff. However, gasoline companies would have to buy credits for all the gas they sell. That price shows up at the pump. Farmers? They are gonna get seven kinds of screwed, unless they are no-till organic farmers. Food prices go up. Oh, and all that food that comes in from Mexico, Chile, and places further away? Pow! Strangely enough, even though all of the cash will be coming back to us, we will be paying it all back out. The big thing is, we will actually get to see the carbon cost of the things we buy. That would not suck.

Mama gets Gypped

Once there was a garden which belonged to a mama named Joh. [This is a story about you, Mom.] And it grew lovely carrots. [That's the whole story]

This is a story for Daddy

There once was a big monster, who lived in a cabin with his family. And he liked to travel in the woods. One day it was snowing in the forest. And a little girl was walking in the forest, finding a perfect spot to make a snowman.

The monster was out at the same time, looking for children to eat. [Remember, Mom, if you get scared, I'll come snuggle you.] And the monster found the little girl just as she was about to put the hat on the snowman. [Are you scared, Mom? A little. I'll come snuggle you. Remember, the words can't jump out of the page and turn into a monster. So don't be scared, Mother.]

The Perfect Gift

This is the perfect gift for the cook in your family. Well, if the cook happens to be me it is.

Home cooking is killing the restaurant industry by storywhore
Get this custom at Zazzle

TEETH!

Stuart has 2, both on the bottom. One is all the way through, the other is about half way through. I figured this out when he was gnawing on my finger. Ow.

My Snow Angel

"Let's go out and make snow angels!"

"That will be a little cold on your bare bottom."

"I'll put on my underwear."

"That's gonna help."

This scene repeated multiple times. "Let's go outside!" "OK, put your clothes on." "Let's make a snowman!" "Once you get dressed." Etc. It seems, however, that she has clothes on now. I guess I had better put on my shoes.

Snow Child Videos

Well, I took off early from work, came home and played out in the snow with my girl. How much fun is that! Judge for yourself.

This however, is the best. I wish that Tory had given me this look.

(Not) a Snow Day

So I checked to see if the office was closed Today, I just checked too early. Usually 7:00 is a fine time to check, but Today they changed the message at 7:45. (sigh) Tory is home from school and I could go home too. Why don't I? Well, for one, I spent 15 min watching a truck unblock 165th. It had gotten itself stuck across both lanes. You can file that under SUCK! Since I am already here, I might as well catch up on the news and my mail, drink my coffee, warm up, and let the roads clear. The other reason is that Today is the day I scheduled to stay late to work on my homework. Might as well do that now and then go home. Maybe I can help Tory make a snowman.

Phollow the Phil

Saw this over on the blog belonging to Brother Nunchuku of Loving Kindness, and I am always a whore for cheap content.

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Neutron Bomb of Courteous Debate.

Get yours.

Notes on the Week

This week Stuart had his first solid food, bananas. He was TOTALLY into it. Give him a spoon and he puts it in his mouth, then starts gnawing on it. You bring another loaded spoon close and he discards the one he has like yesterdays diaper. Grab! Chomp! This was followed by some outstanding diaper rash. Not an unusual thing with Stuart. He can get a rash from Johanna LOOKING at the wrong foods. One missed poo-job and he is bright red for a week.

In other news, Stu went potty on the potty! Not that he had any idea what was going on, but Joh plopped him on there at an opportune time (right after a nap with a dry diaper) and BINGO! We have been unable to reproduce the event, however. I guess that past performance is no indication of future returns.

Lastly, Joh and I have FINALLY clued into what is wrong with Tory. Keeping in mind that this is a child that has never dealt well with change, over the last few weeks we have:

1. Had my mother in town for a week.
2. Flown her to Ohio without her Father.
3. Brought her Father out to Ohio.
4. Flown everyone except Gram Ma back to Portland...
5. Coming home to house guests!
6. Then school starts again, and they have lost the primary teacher...
7. and Tory's favorite teacher...
8. and totally rearranged the room.

This series of event has Tory totally off the script. Acting out, accidents, hitting, etc., etc.. So, Tory went nowhere on Saturday, and only to Church on Sunday. Over both days there was a parent tasked to make sure someone was paying attention to her. Sunday was awesome! Toryseemed to have some idea of how to function. For the rest of this week, however, she will be going to school and just about nothing else. No trips to the store, no sudden shopping trips, and no visits to family. Next weekend we will assess the progress and see if we can do an early dinner with theMellinger-Tzetos clan.